"How To Find A Good Husband

During an event, I witnessed a very interesting conversation that transpired amongst some Nigerian millenial women (probably in their early-to-mid twenties) regarding finding “Mr Right” and marriage. One of the women present, a 24-year-old pretty Ibo girl who already has a thriving career (let’s call her “Ada”, expressed concerns about finding a good husband. Ada asked her peers present, what it would take to find a man who wouldn’t be intimidated by her success. She also stated that she always wondered when/how/where she would find a husband, as she’s an Ibo girl and “time isn’t on her side.” In addition, she mentioned that she was under pressure from some of her family members to get married. Some of the other women present at the event advised her to disregard the pressure she was experiencing and just be patient about finding a hubby. After hearing Ada express her concerns about marriage, I felt the need to address this issue on my blog. Here is some advice on the issue from my own perspective. Again, I’m NOT a relationship or marriage expert. However, I believe that sharing my views about this issue may help someone out there who is worried about marriage. My thoughts on finding the right husband are as follows: Don’t look for him. He will find you I believe that when you are truly ready to meet your God-ordained partner, he will find you when you least expect it. You don’t have to go hunting for a man. I really don’t believe that seeking love should be a stressful affair. Love yourself. Stay true to yourself. When you are ready in God’s eyes, lifetime bae will come. Put God first The mere fact that you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you should marry them. Put God first. Pray about the person and ask God if he is truly the person you are meant to be with for a lifetime. From my experience, you will get the answer to this question in unique ways. God may blatanly give you an answer via dreams and visions. Or you may suddenly find yourself in a particular situation with your partner, and judging by the way you both react it, the answer will become clear. The answer may also come seemingly serendipitously while you are interacting with other people in your everyday life. Don’t compare Your Man with Your Friend’s Man You never know what’s going on behind closed doors in anyone’s relationship. So don’t go comparing your partner with anyone else’s. For instance, let’s say your partner is very materially wealthy. He pays all your bills, gives you a monthly allowance, and takes you on shopping trips around the world. But then you have a friend whose partner isn’t as wealthy as yours and perhaps they split all their bills 50-50, but it appears that what he lacks in finances, he makes up for with touching acts of love and heartfelt displays of affection – a quality you may feel like your own partner doesn’t have as much of. Then you start to feel envious because you want more of what you friend’s partner has. Don’t do that! Be content with what what you have. Longing for what someone else has ultimately leads to feelings of discontent, which may prevent you from missing out on the fact that your own partner may just be husband material. If he encourages your success, he’s a keeper! You don’t need a man who feels intimidated by your success. Rather, he should encourage you to be the best version of yourself in all areas of your life. Even if you are doing better than him financially or career-wise, he should be proud of you and keep encouraging you to excel even more. If he’s showing signs of jealousy or a controlling nature due to the fact that you’re doing well, please run away fast and don’t look back. Do NOT think you can change him during marriage. I once had a friend that experienced this same situation. Her fiancé had never liked the fact that she made more money than he did, and he was actually very vocal about his displeasure. However, due to pressure she had put on herself to get married at a certain age, she convinced herself that she could work on changing his mindset during the marriage. Sadly, this was not the case. Under the guise of wanting to be her sole provider and be a good husband, when they got married, he convinced her to quit her six-figure salary job and be a housewife. And that’s when his true colors really began to show. He started to emotionally and physically abuse and manipulate her. Well, that marriage didn’t last up to a year, because she filed for a divorce after she realized that no amount of fasting and prayers would ever change him. Don’t succumb to family pressure Easier said than done in many cases, I know. But the truth of the matter is that often times, this pressure is exerted for selfish reasons. Many parents want to feel proud to tell their friends that their daughter is finally getting married. They want to organize an elaborate wedding to boost their own egos, sell aso-ebi, and just be all-round “extra.” Girl, remember that wedding only lasts for one or two days, and the marriage lasts for a lifetime! After parents, friends, and wedding guests have finished eating all the small chops, jollof rice, nkwobi, amala and gbegiri, they will go back to their own homes to their own families. You will subsequently be left alone with your husband. You may never even get any phone calls from many of your so-called “aunties” and “uncles” after the wedding to check on you to enquire about how you are coping in your new home. NOPE. Once they digest and poo out the small chops, you become a distant memory in their minds. So why get married to please them or anyone else? I once heard about a woman who found out the day before the wedding that her husband-to-be (whom parents had “arranged” for her by the way) was cheating on her with an ex girlfriend. She told her mom she wanted to call off the wedding, but mommy was like “yo dude, we’ve paid for the hall, cake, food, people are attending from out of town, just manage for now and sort it out during the marriage.” LOL. Anyways you get the point. DON’T MARRY TO PLEASE YOUR FAMILY. Do it on your own terms, how and when you want to do it. Who cares if you are over 30 and unmarried? Marriage is not a competition. Or an achievement. Don’t let family and society brainwash you.

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Texas mosque burned as Trump bans Muslim countries from US, court kicks

- The fire was discovered by a convenience store clerk at around 2am and the fire service was called in - The mosque, which is called Islamic Centre of Victoria, was entirely destroyed despite great effort by the fire service department to stop the blaze - US authorities say they cannot confirm yet if it was an attack by an arsonist but the Islamic Centre's president Shahid Hashmi said the Imam discovered that the alarm were inactive and doors unlocked in surveillance footage A mosque in Texas has been burned down by a fire just hours after US President Donald Trump signed an executive order banning entry to citizens of seven Muslim countries. READ ALSO: US immigration begins preventing Muslims from entering United States Daily Mail UK reports that the fire started in the early hours of Saturday, January 28 and was discovered by a clerk at a convenience store who spotted smoke and flames coming out of the Islamic Centre of Victoria at about 2am. The flames grow bigger and quickly consume the structure. The Islamic Centre's president Shahid Hashmi said the imam, who was awake, discovered on the mosque's online surveillance that the alarm had been deactivated and the doors were unlocked. Hashmi said: “He was worried about it and drove over there. By that time, fire engines were already there pouring water on the fire. A firefighter walks across the front of the mosque as efforts continued to stop the fire. “It's sad to stand there and watch it collapse down, and the fire was so huge.” It was not clear what exactly happened and US authorities said it was too early to speculate. Hashmi said: “We don't have any lead or information as to what started the fire and what happened. “So I'm sure it's going to be a few days, they told us, before they can come up with any answers for us.” There were no reports of injuries recorded. Firefighters battle to stop the fire in the early hours of Saturday, January 28. The mosque has been subject of attacks in recent times. Daily Mail UK report that “just last week, someone broke into the mosque and stole a number of electronics, including laptops”. Recall that Trump on Friday, January 27 signed an executive order stopping refugees fleeing killings in Syria to from entering the U.S. indefinitely. Premium Times quoted Trump as saying that the order would keep “radical Islamic terrorists” from entering the country and also give priority entry attention to Christians and other minority religious groups from predominantly Muslim countries like Somalia, Sudan, Libya, Iran, Syria, Iraq, and Yemen. The mosque in the morning after efforts by firefighters to save it failed. “We don’t want them here. We want to ensure that we are not admitting into our country the very threats our soldiers are fighting overseas. We only want to admit those into our country who will support our country, and love deeply our people,” he said. Meanwhile, a federal judge in Brooklyn has issued a nationwide, emergency stay on Saturday night to allow people with a valid visa to remain once they've landed in the US. The decision did not strike down the executive order, and is only temporary.

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